AL FIN!!!
The inexplicable mystery of the bitten cookie
By M.S. Maycotte
didibubu@hotmail.com
CHARACTERS:
Edgar-A thin detective who wears a new trench coat.
Danielle- A good natured chubby girl.
FIRST AND ONLY ACT
SCENE 1
Where the bitten cookie is found
The stage is clear except for a small table with a plate with a bitten cookie on it. There is also a note that reads “Don’t you forget”. Edgar enters, proud in his new trench coat, thinking aloud and walking about.
EDGAR- Me? A detective? I never thought it would happen so soon. (Holding his badge up and very exited) “Hello there, I’m detective Edgar Winter; can I ask you some questions?” Me! Solving crimes, looking all solemn, talking mysteriously, smoking cigarettes. Well, maybe not smoking cigarettes, but certainly getting all the ladies. I think later I’ll get to carry a gun around and… use it very responsibly.
I can’t wait to show my new badge and trench coat to mom, she’s going to be so proud.
Edgar bumps into the table.
EDGAR- What’s this? I see, a bitten cookie. It seems that someone left it here all alone… this is very strange indeed. Maybe whoever abandoned it in this unacceptable state will come back shortly.
He waits briefly, whistling and looking at his watch.
EDGAR- Who would like to eat a cookie, anyways? Sweets are bad; they are one of the reasons why people get fat. Sugar, I just can’t stand it. I hope this unlawful individual shows up soon.
He waits some more.
EDGAR- No such luck. That terrible person is not coming back. I should report the crime as soon as possible. What does the manual say? Don’t touch anything (He steps back), make sure no one can get inside the crime scene (He “police lines” the area by putting the line around the table), immediately take a picture (He does) and call the station (Gets his mobile phone out).
Wait a minute. This is my first case, the chance to impress everyone with my cleverness, to be recognized and admired. How hard can it be? I’ll solve this mystery and report it when I’ve clamped the criminal, everyone will think so highly of me.
Edgar examines the cookie from every angle but does not touch it.
EDGAR- Let’s see. (Smells it) Right! It seems to have been bitten between 10:00 am and 1:00 pm. No crumbs. Any saliva? I’m not sure but I’ll check on that later. No chocolate chips nor fingerprints… A note? (Grabs the note and reads) “Don’t you forget”, interesting. Suicidal note, maybe? Silly, cookies can’t write.
However, the person responsible for biting the cookie wrote this. Aha! This is enough evidence to begin the investigation.
SCENE 2
Where the questioning takes place
In this next scene, each questioning is held in a different part of the stage after a brief darkness. Each time, he has a different investigation tool in his hands. He carries them all in his trench coat.
Darkness. Light. Showing his detective badge.
EDGAR- This is a very serious investigation, any information you provide might be crucial to solve this crime.
Darkness. Light. With a magnifying glass.
EDGAR- Are you sure the phrase “Don’t you forget” has no special meaning for you? (Pause) Can I look at your handwriting?
Darkness. Light. He has a small tape recorder in his hands.
EDGAR- Can you repeat that, Sir? (Pause) Thanks for your cooperation. (Pause, turning aside and talking to himself). He’s wrong, not everyone is a suspect. Not every single person in this world likes sweets and cookies.
Darkness. Light. With an ink pad and a paper.
EDGAR- No, I’m not saying you did it! Stop crying grandma; just let me have your fingerprints.
Darkness. Light. With a picture of the cookie in his hand.
EDGAR- Had you seen this cookie before? (Pause) It doesn’t matter what brand it is. Are you trying to hide something?
Darkness. Light. He’s kneeling down with a notepad, as if talking to a child.
EDGAR- So, you say you’re a serious cookie-eater? I’m afraid I’m going to have to take you to the station. One last question, where were you today between 10:00 am and 1:00 pm (Pause) At school? Can you prove that?
Darkness. Light. Edgar is about to start talking when the door is slammed on his face.
EDGAR- Thank you?
Darkness. Light. As if he’s been listening for about an hour.
EDGAR- Yes, that’s very intriguing Mrs. Rogers and he shouldn’t had stared at you that way in the first place. But back to the cookie case, have you…? (Pause) Oh, alright. I understand.
Darkness. Light. He’s very still, pondering next to the table where the cookie lays. He stares, talks and points, but never touches it as he thinks out loud gloomily.
EDGAR- Maybe that man back there was right. Most would want to eat you; I wouldn’t of course, but I can’t assume everyone thinks the way I do. Everyone is a suspect, or at least should be treated like one until I’m sure they’re not.
I haven’t even tried eating sweets once, you know? And cookies do look very tasty, all baked and golden. But mom kept telling me how awful it would be if I ate any “Because once you start, you just can’t stop. You’ll eat and eat until you get fatter than fat”. I like chubby people though, even if they bite cookies just like you right here.
Suspects, everyone is a suspect. What sort of questions to ask? Is there any evidence I’ve overlooked? What does the note mean? This is such a hard case to crack by myself.
A girl screams from outside the stage.
SCENE 3
Where the mystery is kind of solved
Danielle runs in, her cries too bulky, her arms swinging over her head.
DANIELLE- Where to rest from this agony that shatters my heart and troubles my soul? Oh! The ever lasting pain that… (Realizes Edgar is there and he’s troubled. She completely changes her attitude) Yes? Can I help you?
EDGAR- Sure you can, you must tell me why you took a bite off this cookie. (Points at it, never touching it)
DANIELLE- Oh, I cannot Mister…
EDGAR- Edgar.
DANIELLE- Mister Edgar, I cannot tell you that!
EDGAR- (Shakes her violently) Why? Was it a sudden burst of madness? Something you did but… Do you repent? Are you so guilty you decided to erase the episode form your mind? You must tell me, you must!
DENIELLE- I certainly do not repent. I didn’t do it.
EDGAR- Then why were you crying? What can be more awful than this crime?
DANIELLE- Well, you see… maybe there are just too many sad songs in this world.
EDGAR- Still, that does not explain the cookie case.
DANIELLE- I am really sorry, Mister Edgar. I’ve heard it was a very nice cookie indeed.
EDGAR- Could not tell, I didn’t really knew it. You know, when it wasn’t bitten.
DANIELLE- I bet it sure was round.
EDGAR- (Disgusted) And sweet. Do you like sweets Miss…
DANIELLE- Danielle. I certainly do, Mister Edgar! The taste lingers in my mouth and the sugar dangles trough my veins so deliciously. I like to share them with everyone, especially with people I love because sweets make me happy, so happy I could… (looks a the bitten cookie)
Danielle seems hypnotized by the cookie. Slowly walks towards it, grabs it and bites it. A small bite indeed, but big enough to take Edgar into frenzy. He watched the whole thing, not believing he’s eyes.
EDGAR- What have you done? That was the cookie, without it placed on that plate there’s no case! Now I’ll have to arrest you for obstructing justice and surely the jury will take my testimony as true, the judge will sentence you to a lifetime without sweets! What have you brought upon yourself, Danielle? And me! Me! How can I ever go on living knowing I was just here when it happened, right in front of… (She interrupts him)
DANIELLE- You don’t have to testify. You don’t have to report the crime at all… Have you reported it?
EDGAR- … No.
DANIELLE- Then we must get rid of all the evidence. (Holds the cookie up) It never happened, it never happened!
EDGAR- What do you mean?!
DANIELLE- Eat this cookie with me, Edgar. We can stop thinking about it being bitten and left alone in that table for you to find. It’ll be part of us, it will run trough our body and then go away. Trust me, it will go away, I promise.
Danielle looks at the cookie as if it was enchanted, then holds it in her mouth and looks expectantly at Edgar, who resists for a while. Not entirely convinced, he bites half the cookie from Danielle’s lips and chews it, feeling doomed. She also chews. When they’re all finished they look at each other with heaviness in their hearts and complicity in their eyes. They have been standing very close to each other. Danielle kisses Edgar.
DANIELLE- Now it’s inside of us. The cookie is gone but we’ll remember. Don’t you forget, Edgar.
Danielle runs away, looking back longingly every once in a while. Edgar is left alone. He wipes his lips and clothes to get rid of every cookie crumb that might be there and stands still for a while. Shocked and empty, he walks slowly towards the table, takes the note hands and stares at it. Then he looks to the front, grinning with new delight, he touches his lips.
EDGAR- The taste lingers in my mouth… (Turns to where Danielle has just disappeared and whispers, almost unheard) Thank you, Danielle.
Final darkness.
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.5 Mexico License.
